


Measure of Death

by monophobian



Series: Drabbles [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Drabble, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, not really graphic violence but i want to tag just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 02:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11027181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monophobian/pseuds/monophobian
Summary: Sakura had already killed once – why was she experiencing this again?





	Measure of Death

**Author's Note:**

> I was asked if I considered Sasori to be Sakura’s first kill. My mixed answer of ‘yes and no’ refused to leave. It’s rough and there’s probably mistakes (because I haven’t read through it), but here’s a small exploration of that.

She already went through this.

Sasori was dead. Sasori had died under her hand. His last words, the lingering sounds resonating in her head had continued for weeks, a sneer when she stumbled during training or an acknowledgement when she succeeded. The sadness in his eyes had been at the forefront of her mind when she hugged her mother, ate dinner with her father, enjoyed an evening with her parents and cherished what she was still blessed to have.

The nightmares had been horrific, strings and poison and a slow pain burning inside out. Countless nights of interrupted sleep staring at her ceiling before she crept to the kitchen and made tea. Worked on medical charts and reports long after midnight because there was nothing better to do with her time.

 _What would his life have been?_ It had plagued her, this mourning of a life that had such great potential. And that potential had been put to dust at her hand, taking advantage of the emotional manipulation Chiyo-baasama had used.

But they were shinobi and they had to win. All was fair in war.

And so that night when she startled awake in a cold sweat, the absence of his presence was jarring. Instead, it was the memory of her hands in blood, of the flecks and matter of bone and tissue exploding around her, and the dull thud of a heart slowly beating to a halt.

Sakura had already killed once - why was she experiencing this again?

The medical part of her mind acknowledged how the brain had been gone long before the heart. Her fist had snapped that spine upon impact, the tremor of organs and flesh crumbling under the strength of her hit. The heart had a few beats after the light had dulled from brown eyes and the body fell to the dust. And Sakura had done what she had to do, wiping off the man's blood on his own shirt and continuing through her fight.

She could still feel him on her skin. Gray scattered up her arm as she washed off his remains later that night in the spring. Washing the splatter of blood off her tunic and bindings and riding herself of the stain of his life.

But she didn't. Hadn't. Even now, the stains were still there.

Would he sound like Sasori? Had she known his story, would it have haunted her the same? Would there be two voices in her head, judging her every move and action? Would she mourn the loss of a second potential life?

Sasori had no final breath to take. He had no blood to slow. Vitals were absence in the body he made for himself, so she had carried the weight of his soul. Now- now she was balanced, with this new weight of blood and sweat and matter.

Would the mourning ever stop?

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
